single income, no kids

On Flea Markets

J: I feel like Diner en Blanc is just one more thing in a long list of things that white people our age make into big deals for no reason. See also: flea markets, smorgasburg, etc.

S: I like flea markets. But I always went to them with my mom as a kid.

J: Y
es, exactly. But in those days you could get a good deal at a flea market. Now some asshole in Brooklyn expects you to pay $450 for a dented typewriter.

“Delicious charcuterie: a hallmark of enjoyment.”

On Church

You should go to church because it is so preposterous that the hilarity would be uplifting.

On Fashion

If you were thinking about buying an anorak with an Andy Warhol banana or any Keith Haring design on it, don’t.

On Home Improvement

J: My friend messaged to ask if I could make 3D floorplans of her and her finance’s house. I’m like, uhh…

S: Would they pay you?

I feel bad making people pay, but I’m like this is not as easy as just, like, clicking in a file.

S: W
hat does she want it for?

Justin: “Planning stuff.” I don’t know how a 3D floorplan helps with that. Maybe a normal floorplan would be useful. I would do that for her; that’s easy.

S: But why do they need a 3D floorplan? What is the difference? Does 3D show the wall heights?

J: Yes, but it’s also harder to view if you ask me. It would be like this:

Versus a conventional plan like this:
S: Yeah, conventional seems much better, unless they want to pretend their house is in Sim City.

J: LOL, exactly. Which, knowing them…they might. They are “gamers.” Also, most of their “home decor” is poker-related.

S: Like, like they have those poker dogs?

J: Yes.

S: Oh, bad.

J: T
hat’s like the stuff you see at Spencer’s and you’re like, “who would own this?” I'm lucky enough to know the people who do.

On Entertainment

You know those poems where you use a word for each letter in a person’s name?

Maybe at our next party we can make them for one another and put them in a slideshow to entertain all our friends with our narcississm!

Maybe This Can Be Expressed in a Venn Diagram

D*: I met a woman who said she’s a pole dancer. I’m pretty sure that means stripper.

S: Are there any pole dancers who don’t take their clothes off? Most do, I think.

D: Well, I know they have pole dance fitness classes now, which regular people go to. Apparently they have studios for it.

S: That is not a job, though. No one would say they are a pole dancer if they just took the fitness classes.

*guest contributor

On Sports

S: And by the way, they are called the Seahawks, not the Go Hawks. They are from Seattle.

J: I
know they not the Go Hawks. Do you really think I’m an idiot?

S: I mean, neither of us are that into sports.

J: The Go Hawks.
That can be the minor league team.

S: I am crying laughing.

J: S
orry you think I am brain damaged and think a team could be called the Go Hawks. (I know I wrote that before, but still…)

S: Crying laughing.